DISCLAIMER :
This article has been a case where the content talks about being judged by the toxic behavior and how one can identify and overcome. So, only read further if it makes you feel comfortable It is recommended to skip this article if you cannot handle reading negative emotions. All my blogs have been always positive outlook towards overcoming those challenges. This is written as one such incident which was experienced with extreme soreness and for the matter of fact with strong support system built up in the past years, the person experiencing this emotional trauma has bounced back. I am glad to pen this story down from soreness to immense strength.
Did not stick to the words and decisions that she made and she wanted to apologize ( yet she was happy that the person told her not to apologize because the behavior was tagged toxic and not the person)
She ended up calling the person when at work because she did have something important to express and share... she wanted to thank and be grateful for some of the inspiring piece of work which had helped her to move one step towards her goal but this gratitude was just unheard and unexpressed to someone who deserved to know
She wanted to communicated how she felt ... yet the person ignored stating being busy for a month and did not even attend the call. She felt in the past she attended those calls and called back when this happened the other way around. Sometimes it is so easy to tag someone not following their words, but did the person even try looking at themselves it they are keeping up their words.
Rest of the story goes for a drama after 2 weeks of she being upset , distracted and knowing nothing about what to do next :( Silence in the entire rapport building...
She felt like.... as she stated
"Just like the pendulum which goes to and fro, my emotions were also oscillating and fluctuating. Nobody has called me or my behavior toxic. How would that happen? "
Signs of self doubt , Signs of emotional distress... has entered her ... It realized to her that could it be other person's behavior toxic for her because she is feeling that distress moments... She continued
When one creates a mountain of expectations, attachment and when it gets shattered it hurts , physical symptoms of chronic pain is experienced, your head aches, your heart is torn and the body feels so weak and shattered. Unfortunately such feelings involved in this process are not made of glass because if they were, humans would experience less pain, it would just go to trash...
Thanks to those wonderful friends she made over a decade, made over the last year, made over few weeks and when expressed in detail 2 sides of the coin of the story. Lending her a shoulder to cry, lending her an ear to hear and that has emotionally helped her overcome one of the most sorest incidents she ever experienced...
Cheers to those friends who had stood by her !!!
it is normal to have such a bad experience.
Sometimes it is not worth explaining,
Sometimes it is not worth making things to come to closure (" I know you are one person who like to end things properly and peacefully") but when they do not want to hear you and judge you it is okay to ignore
You are attached...
Time will heal all your wounds....
The person is not right if you feel emotionally drained
You might not be toxic but you surely are a daredevil as not many people have the courage to see the truth about themselves. So, bravo for that.
I am pausing here because there were many more such lovely words that came up for her and of course her directness to express was also hit on her face and one of the smallest suggestion which made a big impact to her was
MEDITATE !!!
DISTRACT !!!
It helped her heal to overcome this trauma in few days. She went back and forth, she blocked and unblocked her mind because she finally believed in forgiveness and letting things go off.
From being tagged as clingy, toxic for relationship which was at a starting phase, probably ending it was good for everyone involved in it. Primarily for her mental peace of mind. As the puzzle would always have missing pictures, one would be trying to pick up and fit the picture/fix the puzzle and the other just being blindfolded and running the race and being cold that in 24 hours cannot spare few minutes to hear which is not okay for her
Is human race losing the old school feelings? old school thoughts? old school not tracked yet easy slow content paced lifestyle? are we so cold that it feels just okay to hurt someone and walk out because self love is so important? There are no right answers for the questions and they are very subjective... she continued in her big mountain of thoughts....
It helped her not to look back again and move forward. The fun fact is she ended up looking for what toxicity means,
"The quality of being very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way"
May be what has been pleasant to her was unpleasant on other end. May be there are several ifs and buts but all these are irrelevant now. Because there is much more now to evaluate what she wants and what the other person demands for.But she would never ever dream of harming someone. NEVER !
She still has a pain that she could not take that decision to walk out at early signs and be a fool to hear her heart first. Come on, who does not makes mistakes, I expressed...
The next funny thing which I would never recommend personally but it was something she decided to go ahead was take some random online test where 2/3 revealed her not being toxic. One mentioned that she just needs to be watching out her behavior as she is not toxic.
Cool! You are not a toxic person! You always listen to your loved ones, you try to maintain good contact with everyone. You definitely shouldn't worry because you are a good person and your loved ones know it for sure!
This resonated with what her friends thought about, this resonated with what she belived in her real self and she was the best judge for herself.
This is a story which has been experienced by few more cases in recent times with no disclosures made considering confidentiality involved. The aim of this article is just to spread some light in the darkness and proving the proverb that
"All that glitters is not gold""Prevention is better than cure." holds true even till date from old school....
it is okay to have emotions but it is not okay to have someone who does not care about it.It is okay to request or ask, but it is not okay to demand.It is okay to express but it is not okay to expect or express to someone who is not ready to listen to your expressionsIt is okay to let go off someone when you are emotionally draining every day.It is not okay to tag some one clingy or toxic without even making an attempt to understand.
BE EMPATHETIC !
LISTEN !
COMMUNICATE !
RESOLVE CONFLICTS !
YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT ARE EMOTIONAL TRAUMAS EITHER OF THEM ARE GOING THROUGH !
MAKE AN ATTEMPT TO EXPRESS
World is big, there are Indians who have rocked the Tokyo Olympics, trolling around some selfish potentials, there are burning issues, everything cannot be solved.
In your small world, Be grateful to what you have , Be grateful to people who value you, stick to them and enjoy life. Life is short, sweet, salty, bitter with a problem that comes like a thunder also like a rainbow that is colourful. Feelings are constant variables like behavior of people.
Try understanding them if you value them, if someone does not value you and does not take you for what you are, best is to leave and move on. It is difficult but not impossible
All I wish is more power to everyone who is experiencing traumas, missing someone who is not even caring about them, relax, take a break and look for what you have :) VALUE THEM. COMPLIMENT THEM, BE GRATEFUL !!!
Don't run in the race track of life, take a moment to listen to your loved ones, ask them how they feel and ask them about their routine, apologize if you think something would have hurt them, let ego go off and spread a smile.
Smiling Tears are valuable always ! Make such memories and treasure them !
So, where is this heading further, she still thinks about the person in the thoughts but she has overcome that distress which she experienced. She is confident to be what she is and how she is and what she wants. She smiles now and she has come out bold and beautiful. She just smiles, thinking yet another person to give those scars , but probably the first to give me immense pain and lessons worth remembering as what she would never want in her life. She has learnt to accept this uncomfortable situation, uncomfortable words and be more watchful of letting her people in than having those 2000+ trial and errors of knowing people. She knows that she will set her boundaries for she believes the ultimate goal is to happy and spread smiles....
What do you think???
Have you experienced it???
Have you overcome such incidents and share those techniques to help others???
Signing off for now , coming soon with a next story of human emotions !!!
Nice write up. Keep rocking !
ReplyDeleteThank you :)
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