Home 🏠🏡

22nd December 8am IST weather is still in 20 degrees , the red blanket is warm enough to make me prepare the chillness but something still feels wierd. I don't have the strength to still push the blanket moving my hands around the forehead , I feel the temperature which one would conclude for the fever ! I still push myself against the warm flames emitting from me versus the chillness hitting my bare skin. I see the pictures of portrait stuck on the wall , making me smile , I search for the smart phone to order my breakfast then I give up to order on my newly fond online app in the new city to order fruits. In 25 mins it was there at the doorstep , An apple a day keeps the doctor away. I thought about the last time I fell sick and I just had my dad's hand on my forehead caressing which soothed me ! I thought about the last time as days passed by when Jaundice had hit me during my highschool days how mom took care of every meal , she was the playing the additional role of a perfect dietician which is a void in my life now ! 

Home ! Home ! Home ! Lucky me with 2 sisters around caressing me , pampering me and just telling me the words I want to hear at the right time !!! 3 days ago I crashed at my sister's place , she knew I was about to breakdown and she just held me close to her where tears rolling told her how much she and me were missing mom ;) as I pour this ... Tears roll down !!! 

Words are so powerful ! Lil did I know that words have the power to heal , words have the power to get so positive. Words ! Words ! Words ! They can do wonders ! The vice versa holds true there as well ;) 

I decided I just now need to go see another sister of mine because a part of my body physically was healed by one of my sister and may be body and mind is greedy to meet another sister ;) . Sometimes it is all that heart yelling out and telling go go go and I had to ! 

As I packed my bags and in span of 4 hours I was at the station going to the city I lived 3 decades of my life ! That is beyond emotion . I was never able to comprehend when dad used to tell me leaving this city is hard ;) it hits me hard now because it is not the city , it is the memory, the luxury my dad created for me every day every moment , the pain we faced together when we lost mom , the care mom had on every single person around and still it is all along in different forms !

So, amidst these memories , catching up a movie, a small cute girl comes along and adjusting to sit next to my bags. I greeted her because something just got me interested in her beyond the movie .... She greets me back with a beautiful smile . I ask her name and then the meaning of her name which is the amalgamation of her mom and dad's name . We talk and I understand from our conversation that she is visiting the farm house and she keeps telling me "nice meeting you". I have always been bad at guessing ages and with this cute girl , who is 4.5 years old had her height equivalent to 2nd grade due to her father's genes .so when she mentioned LKG, I was surprised for sometime until her mother told me the history of genes :) ! I couldn't resist and handed out my contact card to stay in touch with them in the new city I moved. She walked till the exit gate made some steps , told something to her mom and came back with a rush to me and gave me the WARM HUG. I don't know and can't explain how it felt . Did it feel home ? Did it feel affection ? Did it feel love ? Yes it felt all of it unconditional pure innocence. My eyes were and are watery now but she said again it was nice meeting you. May be when I move back to the new city again I will see her again with a hope her mother calls me and is not annoyed that I showered some love back on the cheeks of her daughter back  :) ! 

Well I am going home ! I just felt that and that feeling can only be felt how good it feels. I grieve and will always grieve for the loss of my parents and I will always smile for those memories I still have with Home. They give me strength to face the loss I have and live a life to have something beautiful around ! 

Home is  where I can throw tantrums and still be loved . Home is where I can show me being uncomfortable with the un/comfortable. Home is where I know I can be vulnerable. Home is where I can always know I will be loved and pampered. Home has the veins to my heart , oxygen to my lungs , the palace of family, friends and memories. Home is where I believe I can recover my sickness. Home is where there is "sukoon" . As I build a home in new city, I carry the home in my brain, mind and heart due to which I exist for what I am today ☺️

Starting 2023 travelling home 😀🏡